As Far As I Can Tell

I went 25 years without a drink. Most people called me straight-edge, and I accepted that term for myself for quite a few years. It was always a little weird though since I didn’t join straight-edge like most people, it just happened to match up with what I was already doing. I didn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs.

For me it was about self respect, thinking in the long term, and fucking the mainstream. I was trying to avoid self destructive behavior, ignore peer pressure, and stay in control of my life. It was always about making my own decisions and refusing to feel pressured into something that may not be the best for me. It doesn’t make me the easiest person to live with, but I always need to come to things on my own terms.

So, after a long and stubborn decision I’ve started drinking. Well away from high school, past college, and after dozens of New Years Eve parties I’ve finally come to terms with it. It became really easy not to drink; really simple to continue doing what I’d always done. But after a while you have to question if you’re doing something, or not doing it, just because it’s your norm.

This will seem really weird to those of you who have known me for a long time. Some people have defined me more by what I don’t do than what I do. The saying goes that “If you’re not straight-edge now, you never were.” I’m glad things aren’t really that black and white. Nowadays I’m much more interested in changing as my life does and paying attention to what’s actually best for me.